BAD TIME FOR BED (TIME) STORIES ou vírus de computador e histórias para boi dormir

No meu tempo tudo era muito mais rootera

Tá rolando um papo de que um vírus de computador já infectou o mundo inteiro e vai ser ativado amanhã, no dia da mentira. O Conficker. Essa notícia perdida aqui diz que no site da Microsoft está escrito isso (preguiça eterna de ir lá checar só pra fazer uma piadinha no meio do horário de trabalho):

“Conficker é um vírus informático que pode infectar o computador e espalhar-se para outros computadores automaticamente através da rede, sem interacção humana”.

O, rlly?

Por mais que especialistas jurem que não é hoax, isso só serviu para lembrar do Badtimes.

Lembra?

É poesia, é literatura, é uma obra de arte hipermoderna insana.

É uma das melhores coisas que já li na vida.

If you receive an e-mail with a subject of Badtimes, delete it immediately WITHOUT READING IT. This is the most DANGEROUS e-mail virus ever.

It will rewrite your hard drive and scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your freezer's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your VCR, and use subspace field harmonics to render any CDs you try to play unreadable.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend/ex-husband/wife your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when company comes over. It will put a kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will tease your dog. It will leave strange messages on your boss's voicemail in your voice. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub and leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your snowblower.

These are just a few of the signs. Be very, very afraid!